Momentary Time-lapses.

The pumpkin pie showdown results will be up soon. Just working on organizing my notes & photos from the past week. My mind has been filled with lots of thoughts this week:

For some reason, lately I've been feeling unreasonably nostalgic. I've been caught off guard with frequent, yet momentary time lapses: happy memories, familiar smells & sounds, feelings from times past that I can't quite put my finger on. Old friends, but downright soul sisters, that I haven't chatted to (or perhaps even thought of) in years keep popping up in my mind between my regular thoughts and daily tasks. Cravings for long lunch dates, new stationery, and school schedules are just as strong as my desire to break free and take off on a road trip in a beat up old car with no particular destination in mind.  I recall that feeling of being grown up that I had when I was 16. 17. 18. That version of feeling grown up that only a teenager can have: feeling like you are on top of the world,Titanic style, with nothing holding you back. Like you were in on the universe's secret, and adults just didn't understand.

I was at a coffee shop a few weeks ago, and it was lunchtime near a High school...the students came in in droves, ordering giant sugary drinks that only youth governed bodies can process, and they seemed so small.  Surely, they are more childish than we were, when we were in High school, I first thought. We weren't really like that, right?  All my memories from that time period seem like they came from a person bigger, a person more mature, than those students I was watching. Hrmph. It's funny how perspective changes, but does viewing something that's happened in a different way, from a position of seemingly greater knowledge, or at least experience, change the actual reality of that experience? For example, making the observation now --- that High school kids are so young, and probably don't know as much as they think ---does that tarnish the legitimate feeling of knowing everything that I felt when I was younger? Should I feel foolish for that youth-inspired confidence as a teenager?, I don't think so.

Actually, expressing your truth of the moment and going with it regardless of what may come is freeing. Everything changes. Life yoga, if you will. My knowledge right now, these very words, will probably look childish to my forty year-old self. And I can only imagine the soft laughter my 80 year-old self will have for the insight that my 40 year-old self is proud of. Will that stop me from looking for truths now? Nope. In fact, I hope my 50 year-old self thinks the 27 year old me is silly. And I hope my 90 year old self can't stop laughing at my 60-year old self's grasp of the world. Because change & growth are what inspire us to be better and do better. To just simply keep going no matter what. Living in the moment with your truths of that very second are all you can strive for. My gut feeling just says you need to find that thing that you must do. That thing that you simply can't not do. Without effort, that thing will challenge you and push you more than you can imagine so that you can expand, build, and create your current self's version of understanding & truth. But do yourself a favor: remember to not  hold on to that truth too tightly. After all, you've got to keep your 90 year-old self giggling.

I'm just working on unpacking these thoughts. Don't worry. Next post: pie!